I am  dating retarded, yes this is true... despite what you may think these looks dont automaticaly give me the upper hand when im out on the date. this is where it really counts the most. i need Your help in finding my stride with the ladies.

Step one: The big yawn

Step two: the stretch

Step three: the drop over the(unsuspecting shoulder)

QUESTION? is this still highly practiced? I've scene it in movies countless times, but i'm not sure if they are making fun of it or promoting it????

QUESTION? is saying "But I've never done it before!" a turn on??? Is this good reason for her to jump your bones???  Cause if it is..... things may be looking good for ol' Ian.

QUESTION? how much of a turn off is it when my mom has to drive us to the movie??? on a side note, does anyone remember the time we were at Star Burger and there was a couple on a date?? and their parents were like 2 tables over!!?!?! is that ok? cause I really ripped in them.  Was this wrong?

QUESTION? pick up lines. I only know 3.  "Do you wash your pants with windex....? cause I can see myself in them!" "Do your feet hurt???? Cause you've been running threw my mind all day baby!" and finally, "Please touch it!"  Now whens the best time to use these?? Before or after the date????

QUESTION? dress.  I don't want to look like a slob, but if I show up with a three piece suit, she's gonna think i'm queer.  I could use the Chris Sheridan favourite "Shirts from 24's" but I don't want to be called a "follower" I need help guys!

Send your dating suggestions to bruton85@hotmail.com and we'll put them up.

thanks fellas

IAN TURNER