 Your back for more eh you bloodthirsty bastards? Well no blood this week, sorry guys, Im up for something a little different.
Lets get one thing straight, I wasnt born this cynical or jaded and I wasnt just walking down the street one day and it hits me "im going to suddenly be the most cynical and jaded asshole i can be"
It was much more of a gradual thing, a list of experiences are great contributors to the demise of the old positive happy me. These experiences aren't necessarily good or bad, I dont particularly want to elaborate on them and I dont really regret them. Lets just say sometimes shit hits the fan and you get a little messy. Oh well what can ya do. In this im not going to tell anyone how to think or feel but just how I view things. And take it or leave it, its what i have to say, it doesnt mean fuck all in the grand scheme of thigns anyway right? Anyway, right now, at 17 Im of the belief that you should live life day by day. Enjoy everything just as it comes and take it for it is. Lately I find everyone all wrapped up, pissed off and worried about what the rest of their life is going to be like and I dont understand it. I mean ya, college is near and moving out and everything, but its gonna happen, theres no need to stress over it. And whatever happens after college, WHO KNOWS? You cant control that so why worry about it, its gonna happen, chill out and enjoy your youth while you still have it. It'll be all too soon when your sitting at home, watching prime time tv, wondering if and when your next bowel movement will come and why gravity does such terrible things. Your only young once, so take advantage of it drink like a fish and fuck like rabbits (while you can still get it up).
Thats a great line to end on but what collumn would be complete without a list. This list is dedicated to the people i find im hating more and more day by day...Dr Phil and Oprah, or the terrible monster that I call Philoprah.
Reasons Why I Philoprah can eat my ass
10) They think they know it all, fuck them...
9)They got a few things to learn, one word for Oprah- Diet (stick to it you fat slob) and two words for Dr Phil- HAIR PIECE, your ugly enough, show some shame and cover it
8)They're two of the absolute ugliest people on tv, havent they heard of Radio? Dont hurt us anymore
7)"Theres a saying where i come from" is the worst catch phrase ever... theres a saying where i come from that says, that's right.... eat my ass Phil!
6) They are so fat and ugly i cant get beyond it to write another 5 reasons why they can eat my ass
5) Chicks like Dr. Phil...WHY?!...asshole
4) Chicks like Oprah, i think its cause they are all glad they will never be that fat, and if they are that fat or fatter than oprah and still like her, well thats only because they are too fat to reach the converter and change the goddamn channel
3) Oprah might actually eat my ass...if she got the chance, fat slut
2) Oprah tells gordon that he should (in the words of drunken gordon)
"pee white at least once a day", and quite frankly gordon doesnt think he can pee white once a day, I say that if he pees white, he might be shaking it one too many times, and you know what the rule is there, if ya shake more than three a masterbating ya be. So in the words of Jason Gordon, "fuck you oprah my piss is yellow"
1) The number one reason Philoprah can eat my ass is...that they are so damn ugly i cant get past it to write a decent ten reasons. Really tim made me write this damn list, it seemed funny at the time but as I am now done it appears I have wasted valuable time writing a very weak list. Im sorry, i have done you all wrong
Anyway folks, live life to the fullest while you still can, and if what makes you "full" happens to be banana's or other cylindrical shaped fruits, just go to half full just to save yourself the embarrassment.
Peace
Sawyers
|
